Where did the time go?

Tomorrow is a very important mile marker in my life. Tomorrow will mark one year since the day that I filed the papers that would change the course of my life. 365 days ago I walked into an attorney's office and had to admit to him - and to myself - that my husband had left six weeks before and wasn't coming home. I sat there wishing the floor would open up below me so I didn't have to sit there feeling the shame and humiliation of that admission. Failure had become reality and there was nothing left to do but pick up the pieces and try to go on with life, all the while wishing I could just lay down and die.

My first choice was where I was going to go. I had no reason to stay in Michigan alone. Should I go back home to West Virginia and my old life as if nothing happened? Not possible. I could have gone home, but it would not have been the same and I would have been disappointed. So I ran to the only safe place I could think of - I came to stay with my dad. For those of you who know the story, you know that was not an easy decision. In the end, the benefits outweighed any doubts. Thus, I became a resident of the great state of Pennsylvania.

I know what you're thinking - she's a grown woman and she is running home to her dad. What the heck? I felt that way, too, but I had to swallow my pride and accept some help. My ex had left me with nothing, quite literally. He had forced me to quit my job, had taken all of our money, and had allowed the car that he bought me to be repossessed. I had nothing except my "stuff" and an appointment for a job interview.

Besides the help I needed with basic living expenses, I was an emotional train wreck. The years of berating and name calling and belittling had taken their toll - and he was still on the attack. So I did what every girl does when she's scared. I ran to my dad crying for him to protect me. I may be a grown woman, but I still know that when my dad is around, he's not going to let anything happen to me. I don't have the words to express my gratitude to him and his wife for taking me in this last year and giving me a place of rest and peace and healing. Dad has sheltered me from hurts I couldn't handle and stood behind me and been my back up in the battles I was able to fight on my own. I will be honest - this is not where I wanted to be, but it was the best thing for me. I wish that I could have gone through this on my own, if only I had been that strong.

Little by little, day by day, like a broken leg on the mend, I've found strength I didn't know that I had. Brick by brick, I've begun rebuilding my life. My ex may have thought that he destroyed me because he burned everything to the ground, but I still have a firm foundation on which to rebuild. He can't take that away from me. This house may be smaller and a little less grand than the last one I built, but I've learned along the way to build stronger and sturdier.

So, happy 1st anniversary strong, independent Sarah! You've made it through the first year and you can make it through the next.