Why is it that when you make a decision to change something about your life, and you tell all your friends because you are so excited about this great epiphany you've had, that, inevitably, within the week, something will come along to make you really question your decision?
Let me explain....Remember the obligatory first dates I told you about? And I hinted that there was one that was benevolently granted a second date. Well, what I didn't tell you was how that date went. Here's the scoop.
First date was ok. I was nervous, so I'm grading harshly. He calls and wants to know if I'd like to go out again. Sure, why not. It took us about 3 weeks to coordinate schedules and find an evening when we were both available. Sorry, but I'm not leaving my calendar empty on the off chance that some guy wants to sit across the table from me and eat dinner at the same time. (Sorry, T, I know...that sounded like an angry woman comment, but it's just reality.) He says there's this great Italian place he wants to take me to. Other than vaguely reminding me of the ex, sounds great. I check out the web site and the place looks amazing. I've made my trip to Gabe's to stock my closet. The shopping gods were shining on me - found the perfect pair of jeans, which we all know NEVER happens. But then the story takes a weird turn.
As I'm getting ready, I have this ball of panic in the pit of my stomach. And I don't know why. I can't explain it. There's no reason for it. I've already been out with this guy - he doesn't have 2 heads. We've been talking for a while - he can carry on a reasonable conversation. So why do I have this sudden urge to crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head and never, ever come out to face the world again?
I push aside the panic and decide that it is unreasonable to cancel at this point. I finish getting ready and set out to find this mecca of Italian cuisine. The trek turns out to be much longer than I expected. Even with Karen, my GPS, as my guide, I have to stop for directions, not once, but twice. When I finally get there - 20 minutes late - I'm so distracted I can barely follow the conversation. Even as I'm trying to figure out how much longer I have to sit there, I'm wondering what's wrong with me. I'm sitting across from a perfectly nice guy and can't wait to get away from him. Hmmmmm.....
I hadn't given it much thought until today. Two months later, he sends an e mail asking what happened. I still have no answer, but the e mail annoyed me. Why is that? I was almost as irritated by this harmless e mail as I was by the crazy texts from the ex telling me he missed me, eight long months after he left. They were not even in the same ballpark, so why did I have such a similar reaction? Here's my theory....
Number 1: Men are random. I'd love to be able to expound on this and give you a reasonable explanation. There is none; it just is. Randomness is a great source of stress for a person struggling to control their surroundings. Scientific law states that an object at rest tends to stay at rest. Men are apparently exempt from this law. They don't need some external force to cause them to do something. This bothers me because there should be a reason for everything.
Number 2: Men don't always think. When I send someone an e mail or a text, I read it several times to make sure there are no nuances that could be misconstrued. Men don't see things this way. It made sense in his head, therefore, it makes sense to everyone.
With that said, here's where the conundrum comes into play. How do you stick to a resolution, when everything in the universe is conspiring to make sure that you fail?
I want so badly to refrain from being an angry, bitter woman that little children run from in terror. I am trying, but it is a daily struggle and I am publicly admitting this to make a point. Just because you forgive something one day, doesn't mean you won't have to forgive it again. People say they forgive and forget, but that's just not possible. Unless you have amnesia, you will remember. The best we can do is to fight the battle one more day and admit when we've stumbled and need help....and forgive men their random quirks. Just because we don't know the why, doesn't make it random. Just because we can't control it, does not make it evil. Just because you didn't stick to the decision today, doesn't mean it's time to give up. It means it's time to try harder tomorrow.
No comments:
Post a Comment