Misunderstood

"sorry Sarah I am not one of you and asking people to cut slack to someone who keeps doing the same negative things is like asking for sympathy for getting bite by the neighbors dog over and over when you know you should not go near that dog. here is a suggestion, however if you follow this one, you won't have a problem anymore, can you handle not having a problem? or do you thrive on these events to justify your existence? There is a feature on your phone that blocks numbers, use it, better yet change your phone number. Just think, a simple act like that and you won't have anything to cry about. Any woman or man that allows themselves to be subjected to verbal abuse when they can easily stop it and does not do so....must enjoy the pain, I am glad you have a friend who you can email with your repetitive behavior, how long before he stops answering those emails because he realizes you have become THAT woman. Do you then blog about him and how he let you down? Get some back bone and move on, there are children in this world in dire need of food, clothes, and comfort. You and your ex husband are just not that important."





This is the feedback I received today on my post "I've become THAT woman". When I started this blog, I knew that not everyone would get it. That's ok. I don't write for everyone. I knew that I was taking a chance by putting myself out there. That's ok. It's for someone. There are some points of this upon which I would like to expound.



First and foremost, I know, more than anyone, that I, my ex husband, and my problems are not that important. I know that there are suffering people of all ages in the world and I pray for them daily. This blog was started out of pain and lonliness - and a deep compassion to help other women in the same situation to never feel that isolated and alone. What they live with may seem trivial to someone who has never been in that situation, but it's not. It eats away at your very soul. They, too, are starving and suffering. I write my story to show that there is hope, not because I feel that what I have to say is so important that it must be proclaimed.



Through all of this, my family and friends have been more loving and supportive than I could have ever imagined. They've been strong for me and held me up when I thought I couldn't take another step. I pray that every person has such a great support system.



In no way, whatsoever, do I support enabling negative patterns of behavior. Trust me, neither does my friend. Does he listen? Absolutely. Does he support me? More than you can imagine. Does he tell me it's ok to keep doing it? Not a chance. My point is this - when THAT woman comes to you, instead of judging her harshly, why not show her some compassion and gently tell her that she is strong and can deal with this another way, that she doesn't have to accept the abuse? Maybe you could be that person who helps her believe in herself enough to stop the abuse. Thankfully, I had someone to do that for me and I broke the pattern of behavior. Sometimes all it takes is that one person to tell you that you can do it, that they believe in you, and that they will be there for you no matter what.

The only comment made by Anonymous that I disagree with is this: "Any woman or man who allows themselves to be subjected to verbal abuse when they can easily stop it and does not do so....must enjoy the pain." I don't know if Anonymous has ever been in this situation, but, for me, it happened slowly over time. I hardly noticed what had happened until it was too late. You let things slide because he had a bad day at work. You ignore that he's been screaming at you for an hour because he's just stressed. Before you know it, that's the only way he talks to you and you can't put your finger on when it changed. If I could have "easily stopped it", trust me I would have. It's not easy, but it can be done. I have done it...finally....through the love and support of my friends and family and the strength that only comes from God.

This is what I mean by cutting THAT woman some slack. If you haven't walked in her shoes, you don't know the pain she's carrying. I am definitely not asking you to tell her it's ok to keep allowing the abuse. Absolutely, by all means, take her by the shoulders and tell her it is NOT ok. Then hug her and allow her to cry. Support her and tell her that you will keep supporting her until she is strong enough to walk on her own.

Ultimately, I think that Anonymous and I are on the same page, but giving different interpretations. Even if we aren't, that's ok. I support his/her right to express an opinion about what I have to say. It takes back bone to put your opinion out there. Good for you, Anonymous! Keep standing up for yourself. Be an example for THAT woman everywhere. We can show them, one woman at a time, that they deserve better and that it is possible to put an end to the abuse in their lives.