On My Own

I think Patti LaBelle speaks for all of us in the song "On My Own". This isn't how it was supposed to be. When we looked at the rings they put on our fingers and said with tears in our eyes, "Yes, I will marry you!"; when we walked down the aisles on our fathers' arms wearing those gorgeous white dresses; the first time we signed something with our brand new last names.... I don't think any of us imagined at those times that this is where we would be.

And yet....

Here I am.

I never dreamed that I'd be moving into another apartment. Alone. Cooking dinner for only 1 person. Alone. Thanks to the fact that Mitzi doesn't have thumbs, I will have sole control of the thermostat and remote. Ok, I didn't mean to be distracted by the perks of this. But even those are hollow victories, reminding me that I don't have to compromise because it's just me. Alone.

I think the key to surviving this phase is to shift focus from the repetitive "on my own", to the end of the song - "I've got to find where I belong again....I've got to learn to be strong again...I have faith that I will shine again....I have faith in me....". Let those lines ring through your spirit and remind you of how far you've come.

Remember that even on your own, you're not alone. I know it feels that way. I struggle with it all the time. In those times when you feel the loneliness closing in on you, trying to suffocate you, know that there is One who sticks closer than a brother (or sister!). I can say with assurance that, though I have failed Him, He has been there even when I didn't realize it. When I thought I couldn't go through one more day of this treacherous post-divorce journey, He was the one there whispering, "You can do it. I'm here."

Divorce may not have been part of God's design, but comforting and encouraging us is. Let Him do His job - on His own - so He can make this new experience of being on your own again easier than you expected.

Driving Lessons

Riding in the car recently, I found myself behind a car that couldn't seem to stay centered in the lane. It wasn't the erratic swerving of an intoxicated or distracted driver, but rather the gentle swaying back and forth of someone uncertain of his bearings. As I passed the car, I saw the reason printed on the side of the car: STUDENT DRIVER.

Very well I remember the days when I was learning to drive. I had the same zigzag to my driving and could not imagine what was causing it. When I asked my dad, he had the answer right away. He told me to look into the distance, to aim for my target, and to stop looking at the end of the hood of the car. By driving too close, as he called it, I was constantly trying to make adjustments that I didn't need to make. When I started looking a little further down the road to where I wanted to go, instead of trying to micromanage my exact position, the problem disappeared. I was finally able to drive in a straight line.

How many of us live our lives like that? We're so enthralled in focusing a microscope on this minute, this tiny moment of time, that we lose all sight of our goals.

Today I am choosing to put away the microscope and pick up my sunglasses. I have some driving to do.

Love is...

"I know he loves me, but he just doesn't know how to show it."

"He loves me in his own way, but his parents weren't loving people so he doesn't really know how to love."

"You just don't understand him. That's just the way he is."


If you've been in an unhealthy or abusive relationship, you've probably used one of these excuses. Or some variation of them. Or a million more. You may have even blamed yourself and said it's your fault because you don't know how to accept love - your parents didn't teach you, no one ever really loved you.

Blah, blah, blah. Nothing more than excuses.

The truth is that, if you are making excuses for your relationship, there is no love. If the sentence starts with, "He loves me...." and continues with a "but....." instead of just a period at the end of the statement, he really doesn't.

Trust me. I learned this the hard way.

Maybe he didn't learn from his parents how to treat someone. Maybe you haven't ever been treated like a queen. I've recently realized that when someone really loves you - really, truly loves you from the bottom of his heart, with every fiber of his being - the whole world will know. He doesn't have to be taught to think of you first. It just happens.

If you have any doubts about whether he really loves you, compare it to the model in I Corinthians.

If the "love" he has for you doesn't line up with this, please ask yourself why you would accept it. You may not believe it now, but you are worth it and you deserve it. God thinks so, too. Let Him be the parent that teaches you how to love and be loved.