It's been almost 7 years since my mother died and she still manages to be right all the time. This time, however, I'm not that unhappy about it.
I was about 16 years old the first time she said to me, "One of these days you'll marry an Iowa corn farmer." I responded with a very lady-like snort of disdain. Me? A farmer's wife? I think not. I had eyes only for the well-dressed, not-a-hair-out-of-place city boy. In other words, he had to be from out of town. Or out of state. I had no intention of staying in West Virginia and less desire to marry a country boy. As much as it pains me to admit it, I was a snob.
In retrospect, I think my mom understood me better than I understood myself. For me, wearing the perfect outfit with amazing shoes an nary a hair out of place was like wearing a suit of armor. It kept people at arm's length, out of my personal space. Having an impeccable appearance might convince the world that I wasn't a terrified girl with so many insecurities it was difficult to leave her house. If they found it intimidating, so much the better. That only meant they wouldn't question the validity of my ruse. This was the only way I felt safe, so I looked for the same outward perfection in other people.
What I never could have expected is that eventually I would find out the hard way that you really can't judge a book by it's cover....or sometimes even by the first chapter.
Eventually the armor falls apart and we are forced to live in reality. I've found it's much more comfortable to admit my faults than to live in fear of being found out as an imperfect person. No, I don't wake up with my hair looking perfect in the morning. In fact, we won't talk about how bad it really looks. But finding someone who can look at you when you think you're a mess and tell you that he thinks you're the most beautiful woman he's ever seen - and really mean it - somehow makes it feel a little more ok to run to the store for milk in sneakers instead of heels.
He's not an Iowa farmer, but Mom had the right concept. She knew that eventually I'd learn that a good heart and a lot of substance is worth more than an expensive wardrobe.
